It can make you cringe…
Thinking about the awkward phase we all go through when we’re growing up.
Back in the day I was much more reserved, nearly the opposite of who I am today.
The thought of being charming never would’ve crossed my mind.
My goal was just to be able to carry a conversation without running out of things to say or making it obvious how uncomfortable I was.
To create the dating life and career I’ve always envisioned, something had to give.
It’s difficult to make progress in those areas without establishing relationships with other people.
As a result, I forced myself to figure it out.
I dove in the deep end and managed to land a serving/bartending job.
You can’t avoid talking to people. That’s basically 90% of the job.
After nearly a year of being forced to talk to complete strangers every single day, my basic social skills finally developed.
Eventually this lead me to hire a coach at my good friend Cam’s company (Kingpin Social) after being inspired by my close friend Myke.
Doing so took my conversation skills to the next level.
Today I can confidently walk into any room and strike up conversations with nearly everybody.
Hiring a coach was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
Following a step-by-step system based on their proven results made my life much easier.
It also gave me the confidence to step out of my comfort zone.
All of this happened a few years ago.
Since then, I’ve continued to develop my social skills and have grown into the man who helps others tap into their inner-gentleman.
From this experience, the one thing I’ve learned about being more charming breaks down to the 80/20 rule.
The 80/20 rule is very simple.
It’s all about listening more than you speak.
Pay close attention to what the other person is saying and rather than waiting to your 2 cents in, simply offer a thoughtful response.
Check out the following three tips to help you understand The One Rule That Makes Every Gentleman More Charming
Easier said than done.
Generally speaking, men like to get in our two cents before the other person’s done talking.
Rather than actually listening to what the other person has to say, we’re already thinking about what our response will be.
This can be disruptive to the flow of the conversation.
It risks coming across as rehearsed…which is anything but charming.
To show someone you genuinely care about what they’re saying just relax and listen.
I guarantee your conversation will actually go much smoother by building an organic connection as opposed to the “perfect” one you’ve rehearsed in your head.
People can sense it when you’re not fully present too.
Subtle cues in your body language will give it away.
Check out this post about 3 Non-Verbal Signals That Sabotage Your First Impressions to get a better idea of what that means.
Choose Your Words Wisely
The most important one of all.
Every gentleman knows that you don’t need to say much to get your point across.
And that there’s actually a great deal of strength in silence.
Silence (when used wisely) can send a more powerful message than words.
A big mistake a lot of men make is to say something for the sake of being heard or to “look smart.”
Doing so risks putting your foot in your mouth.
Unless what you’re saying contributes to the conversation or is meant to move it forward, consider holding off.
Remember that the 80/20 rule that every gentleman follows is 80% about listening and 20% talking.
Set Aside Your Ego
This one naturally plays off the last tip.
When first meeting someone, a lot of men feel the need to prove their worth.
What does that mean?
Well, we basically feel the need to talk about ourselves — our accomplishments, who we know, what we’ve experienced in life, etc..
Often the goal is to gain approval from the other person in hopes of making a good impression.
Jack Canfield, author of The Success Principles tackles this issue best.
Since most people are trigger-happy to talk about what they do (specifically in their professional lives) when attending a party, it’s usually one of the first things they mention.
More often than not this will cause people to naturally tune you out for the rest of your conversation.
That’s because it creates the impression that the only reason you want to meet them is to gain something from them.
Rather than taking the predictable approach, his suggestion is to show genuine curiosity in who they are.
Dale Carnegie said the same thing in How To Win Friends And Influence People, “Talk to someone about themselves and they’ll listen for hours.”
You could argue that this is taking the “Set Aside Your Ego” idea and flipping it around.
Tap into someone else’s ego, set yours aside, and you’ll have no trouble being remembered as a charming gentleman.
To be more charming…
It’s a worthwhile trait every man should aspire to possess.
Charm makes you more likeable in social settings and it can influence others to see your point of view.
The best part about being more charming is that you don’t have to be the smoothest talker. Charm is more about the energy you bring to the conversation.
People will feel more drawn to you once you understand how this works.
I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.
While you’re here, you should check out the free style guide below…