How To Be More Charming: 10 Tips You Can Apply Today
You'll open up more doors... Being charming is one skill that's worth developing.
The principles of this post can be applied to a variety of settings.
So if you're looking to make more friends, expand your network, or improve your dating life, being more charming will help in all those areas.
Keep in mind that becoming charming is an extension of your personality.
It isn't an overnight solution.
Ideally you would apply the following tips in ALL of your interactions moving forward.
This includes when you're mingling with coworkers, attending conferences, or when you're out with friends for dinner and drinks.
Of course you'll have to adjust to each situation accordingly but don't worry, I'll cover that by the end of this post.
1) Get In The Right Head Space First
There's a reason why this is the first step on how to become more charming.
What works for me may not work for you.
So do whatever it takes for you to get into the right headspace.
If this means taking a power nap, squeezing in a workout, or reading a good book, make sure to schedule time to make it happen.
It's difficult to be charming if your mind isn't focused or if you're thinking about your to-do list.
Have you ever showed up to work or a party tired? It's a drag.
Not only will you find it difficult to make informed decisions but it's hard to think on your feet when your brain is firing on all cylinders.
2) Cutting People Off Mid-Sentence
As a gentleman, you would never do such a thing.
There's no faster way to turn people off than this.
Not only is it rude but it also shows that you're not really paying attention to what they have say or care about what they're saying.
Donald Trump is notorious for this.
Just take a second to watch one of his press conferences and you'll see exactly what I mean.
You don't want to be mentioned in the same sentence as Trump do you?
3) Not Giving Them A Chance To Talk
This one naturally plays off the last tip.
The main difference is that instead of interrupting the other person, you're actually not even giving them a chance to contribute to the conversation.
Keep in mind that a person's attention span only lasts for a few seconds.
According to the New York Times, as of 2016 the average adult attention span has dropped to 8 seconds.
It was 12 seconds back in 2000.
So if you ever catch yourself going on and on about your own life, it's time to adjust.
The best way to keep another person engaged in your conversation is to get them talking about themselves.
Dale Carnegie mentions this in How To Win Friends And Influence People.
People love it when you show genuine interest in who they are.
This also keeps them invested in the conversation because it stimulates their mind.
4) Loosen Up
You're not a robot.
Have you ever been stuck in a conversation with a person who has a monotone voice and stiff body language?
It's uncomfortable isn't it?
One thing's for sure...it's anything but charming.
You need to get outside of your own head to avoid coming across as The Terminator.
Keep in mind that you're more likely to be remembered for being real not rehearsed.
Loosening up doesn't mean hitting the bar for a round of shots.
But if takes a drink or two to loosen up then roll with it, just tread lightly.
One trick that always works is to focus on your breathing.
Though it may sound a little too spiritual for you but hear me out.
Focusing on taking a slow, deep breath can actually reduce your stress levels.
So if you're feeling anxious in a social setting, it's a quick technique that can help clear your mind.
5) Adjust The Conversation To The Environment You're In
Know your audience!
Getting this one wrong is a quick way to lose someone's attention.
Without their attention, they won't stick around long enough to find out if you actually are charming and worth getting to know (which you are).
Here's an example...
What you talk about with your buddies while watching the game isn't typically appropriate for a professional setting like a networking event.
Your key takeaway here is all about reading your audience.
This will help you understand what makes sense to talk to them about.
6) Don't Be Afraid To Make A Bad Joke Or Two
Ideally you would have a few prepared ahead of time.
For the record, there's a difference between a bad joke and an offensive one.
Think of the type of joke your goofy uncle or that your dad would make because he thinks he's hilarious.
Something like, "What did one strawberry say to the other? How did we get into this jam?!"
You get the idea.
Of course this needs to be adjusted to your personality but making someone else laugh is a powerful skill.
The best part about making a bad joke is that it can make you more likeable.
Don't worry if who you're telling the joke to doesn't get it since most people will appreciate your effort.
7) Always Be Willing To Help
Charming, memorable, and unselfish.
That's how people will remember you when you're willing to help out.
Whether it's a networking event, dinner party, or wedding, when the opportunity to lend a hand presents itself you have to take it!
Being a giver and not a taker always makes you more charming since you're willing to enhance other peoples' experience.
This also shows that you're less concerned with your own needs.
It also tells others that you're happy to be a part of a team.
8) No Matter How Bad, Always Focus On The Good
There's no faster way to turn people off than being a pessimist.
Most people already have enough things going on in their lives that need to be dealt with.
The last thing anybody needs is to hear about somebody else's issues.
If you want to be more charming, the secret is to be the guy who chooses to focus on the silver lining in any situation.
The key here is to do so in an authentic way.
Anyone who has people skills can smell BS from a mile away and the last thing you want to do is set off their radar.
Doing so immediately causes people to raise their guard up.
When this happens, it's that much more difficult to establish a relationship with them.
9) Gradually Reveal Details About Yourself
Nobody needs to hear your life story in one night.
In fact you'll actually appear more intriguing by holding back a few details.
Your best bet is to slowly share stories about yourself and reveal hints about your personality over the long-term.
As I mentioned earlier, to be more charming is an extension of your personality.
The goal here is to build connections with people that will last for years to come.
This means that you'll have plenty of chances to reveal details about yourself so there's no need to unload it all in your first interaction.
Think about it this way...
Would you ask a girl to marry you on the first date?
Or would you ask your boss for a raise on your first day of work?
10) Don't Get Caught Up In Impressing Others
Express, not impress.
It's one of the best insights I've gained over the past year,
The moment your mind shifts into trying to impress other people, you come across as needy.
Not an attractive trait.
Thoughts like, "what does this guy REALLY want from me?" or "Is this is even true?" will cross their minds.
Charming men know that they won't get along with every single person they meet and they're ok with that.
Expressing rather than impressing will draw the right people into your life and filter out the ones who don't share the same values.
Would you rather have 4 quarters or 100 pennies?
In other words, would you rather surround yourself with 4 high calibre people or 100 less qualified ones?
Your time is limited. Choose wisely.
I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.
While you're here, you should check out the free style guide below...